One small thing - Keep asking "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Here are 5 reasons why.
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Hello there,
I heard the song “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks at the weekend. It is in the “3 songs long” playlist in case you cannot remember the words. It reminded me of the feeling of being labelled and not wanting to wear the badge any more. So many of us lose sight of who we are or where we want to be when we get to midlife. This post is all about reclaiming the right to decide who the heck we are.
What do you want to be when you grow up? It's a question that we love to ask children. The answers provide a fascinating insight into what they are thinking and how they see the world in that moment. When my oldest was 6 he wanted to go to University to learn how to be a cowboy. At a similar age my youngest asked me earnestly if he could keep all the treasure he found when he was an archeologist.
When I was 6, I would have told you that I wanted to grow up to be a boy, specifically the Six Million dollar man and you can read more about that here. By 10 I had decided that I wanted to be a doctor. I spent the next 8 years learning that I could have it all, career, home, husband, and family. Nobody explained how hard that would be or that you can have it all, but maybe not all at the same time.
By 18 I had arrived, I was an "adult" in my first year at medical school and I thought that the time for childish questions was over. Little did I know that the hamster wheel of success was just about to spin faster and faster. No time to step off and fully conditioned to keep on running.
By 40 I was a doctor, wife and mum. I did have it all but I had completely lost sight of who I was. I took a long time for me to realise that I was not defined by my jobs (career or domestic). My identity as a doctor was so wrapped up in how I thought about myself that it suffocated and constrained my creativity. I was stuck in a place that I no longer wanted to be.
When I was about 45 conversations with my colleagues started to tip toe around the topic of retirement. "When do you think you might like to retire?" We talked about 60 being about the right sort of age. It was seemingly the ONLY way out. But to me 15 more years of being a Consultant Anaesthetist in the NHS sounded like a life sentence. I did not want everything to stay the same. I did not want retirement to be the light at the end of a very long tunnel. I was young enough to do something different and had a lot more that I wanted to do.
So, I did lots of thinking and made some serious changes. Two years later I changed my career and have not looked back.
"What do you want to be?" was and still is, a constant in my life. As I have got older the question has become more about "Who do you want to be?" I am getting closer to 60 every year and no longer think that it is the right sort of age to retire. That is because I no longer feel that I need to escape. I am doing the things that I love on my own terms.
“It reminded me of the feeling of being labelled and not wanting to wear the badge any more.”
Making small changes to how you work and live can have a positive impact on your wellbeing. It changes your perspective and makes doing something hard much easier to do. It can give a stale career a new lease of life and help you to stay in your role for longer (if that is what you want).
Here are five reasons why you need to keep asking yourself "What do I want to be when I grow up?"
When was the last time that you stopped and lifted your head up to look around? It is very easy to keep plodding on and accepting that things will never change. There is no doubt about it that change is not easy. It requires a level of discomfort and stepping outside your comfort zone but it is worth taking a chance. Hint: If you do nothing then nothing will change.
What did you love to do when you were little? As we get older we give up on things because life gets in the way. We get too busy for the things that gave us joy when we were younger. Rediscovering something of who you used to be long before you became a grown up can be magical. I now own an embarrassment of craft supplies. Just saying...
Do I still have time to make changes? When you are mid or late career you can think that you have left things too late. "There is not enough time for me to do anything new." or "I have spent so much time investing in my career, that I cannot things change now." This is not true. You do not have to burn down your whole life to make changes that will have a big impact on how you feel. I love reading about people who are doing something new for the first time in their 50s and far beyond. It is not over when you get to 45, when the kids leave home, or when life bites you on the bum. At 46, I decided that I was only half way done and had so much more left to do.
What if it all goes wrong? When we ask children what they want to be when they grow up, they are not afraid to talk about their dreams. They cannot see any obstacles between themselves and their dream. This ability to dream is gradually knocked out of you as you get older and wiser and it is replaced by fear. It is good to dream big and let your mind wander through llots of possibilities. Not all big dreams are practical or sensible, but you may be able to make small changes that can deliver some of what you want.
Why did you choose your career? It is a good idea to think about the reasons that you trotted out out at your first interview. Those ideals may have been bashed about a bit over time but they will still be inside you somewhere. Revisiting your why can be a powerful way to help reinvigorate how you think and feel about what you are doing.
I have written before about how shaming the word "should" is. We live in a world of "shoulds" imposed by self and others. Next time you feel yourself saying or thinking "I should do" or "I should be," try swapping the word “should” for “could.” It gets rid of shame and opens up a world of possibilities and choice.
Get rid of your shaming "shoulds" for some positive, creative "coulds."
Working with a coach is an excellent way to work through these questions. Saying something out loud is a powerful way to unlock your creative "coulds."
Something else to read...
"A new start after 60: I learned to scuba dive – and realised a childhood dream"
Ammar Kalia
Prefer audio? Then check this out...
"Kate Muir on the menopause experience that turned her into an activist."
The Shift with Sam Baker.
Coaching Prompt
"What if it all goes well?"
Instead of asking "What if it all goes wrong?" try turning the question around and ask "What if it all goes well?"
Sometimes you can be equally scared of success!
3 songs long
I chose 3 songs for the playlist because it lasts for 10 minutes (ish). That 10 minutes is the perfect length of time for you to either listen, relax, do an exercise snack, walk round the block, or do anything you fancy to music (go wild with your imagination). You can listen to my playlist or make one of your own.
That's it for this week. If you would like to explore how to take the next steps please check out my website to find out more about working with me. I have two places left for one to one coaching starting in June, and I would love to chat with you to see how I can help you to make a start on your next fabulous adventure.
Best wishes,
Lucinda x
Great question. I always tell my kids I have no idea what I'll do when I'm grown up (now aged 50!) Half joke, half serious, and if I can have a third half then it's about teaching them to not pigeon hole or narrow too much, change is a good thing.