One small thing
You didn't blag enough...
Dr Lucinda Homer Coaching
Hello there,
I hope you are well and enjoying the promise of Spring around the corner. I love seeing the bulbs come into bloom. They make me smile at their showy display of colour. They just do their bright, fabulous thing and never shy away from attention. It made me think about how I often prefer to make myself smaller, never showing off, and trying to blend in. It was something that I learnt as a child.
I am an introvert and do not like to be the centre of attention. I prefer small groups and one to one meetings. I will always stand up for what I believe in but it will be in my own way. Yes, I stood as an MEP candidate five years ago but I was so far outside my comfort zone that I barely recognised myself at times! That is a story for another day.
What started out as a rant and rail against an unfair system turned into an informative discussion and change in my mindset.
I was reminded of my failed application for clinical excellence points back in my NHS career. The application form asked for the ways that you had gone over and above what was expected in your day to day role. The trouble was that I thought going over and above was my day to day role. So my form was a description of what I did rather than why it made me stand out.
When I was unsuccessful, I decided to go for the feedback meeting with one of the executives. I was dubious about the system before I went in to the meeting and furious about it when I left.
She gave me my feedback, "You didn't blag enough on your application form." I was taken aback and unsure of how to react. She followed up with, "Go away and ask to see the forms that some of your colleagues submitted."
I left the meeting and my inner critic got busy with the mind monkeys. "What does she mean, I need to blag. That is against my value of honesty and there is no way that I can "blag" to get extra recognition for my work." My self talk went further, "If I have to "blag" to get the points, then they can keep them. I'm not interested in this system and will not take part. I'm clearly not good enough to get the points on my own merit."
Once the dust had settled and I was a little less cross, I spoke to one of my colleagues. What started out as a rant and rail against an unfair system turned into an informative discussion and change in my mindset. He looked at my application form and gave me some feedback.
He told me that the content was good, but I needed to change my language. I needed to do that thing that I dread. Speak to the thing that everyone else can see but I refuse to acknowledge. The thing that makes me recoil in horror. The thing that will make me stand out. I needed to blow my own trumpet and talk about what I was really good at. I needed to tell my own truth, and if I did not like the word "blag" then I needed to choose a different word.
I went away and worked on the language in my application form. I told my truth and knew that the form was ready when it started to make me cringe. My colleague looked it over, gave me a thumbs up, and told me to apply for two points not one. Oh the horror!
I was awarded two clinical excellence points that year and learnt a lot about how to make myself bigger in the workplace.
I think women are often conditioned to make ourselves smaller and quieter, to smile, keep everything on an even keel and don't put your head above the parapet. If we do dare to behave in any other way, we are bossy, brash, loud, abrasive, opinionated, moody, menopausal and difficult. Men, on the other hand, would be described as good leaders: assertive, strong, decisive, focussed, creative and innovative.
As I lean into my 50s, I care less about what others think and I want to be the best leader that I can be in my own life as well as in my work. It can be hard to do that at times and self confidence can take a hit during perimenopause and menopause. I know how that feels. But with the passing years we can luxuriate in our wisdom, experience and ability to call time on bullshit when we see it.
For my own part, I try to stop shrinking even though all women are supposed to become invisible as we age. My mission is: “to refuse to sit and watch another brilliant, successful woman reach her 40s and 50s and get stuck. I want to invite you to be part of a positive change movement that enables you to be confident to take up more space and create an amazing second act in your life."
I would love to hear what you are doing to stay visible.
Something else to read...
"A midlife career change is as good as a rest"
Camilla Cavendish
Prefer audio? Then check this out...
"Moment 149: Why you are easily distracted & how to fix it."
The diary of a CEO with stephen Bartlett and Nir Eyal
Coaching Prompt
"What are you really good at?"
It's time to blow your own trumpet and get comfortable being visible.
3 songs long
I chose 3 songs for the playlist because it lasts for 10 minutes (ish). That 10 minutes is the perfect length of time for you to either listen, relax, do an exercise snack, walk round the block, or do anything you fancy to music (go wild with your imagination). You can listen to my playlist or make one of your own.
That's it for this week. If you would like to explore how to take the next steps please ​check out my website​ to find out more about working with me. I have two 1-2-1 places available for March. ​I would love to chat with you​ to see how I can help you to get unstuck and be more visible.
Love from,
Lucinda x