One small thing
Good leaders know how to be vulnerable in difficult situations.
Hello there,
I listened to a good example of leadership this weekend and in particular leading in a difficult situation. I attended an Aviation Medicine conference and one of the lectures was given by two pilots, who had lived to tell the tale of ditching a small aeroplane in the sea. When I learnt to fly, I never really enjoyed flying over the sea and this lecture reinforced why!
One pilot described the facts, timeline, dangers, survival statistics, and rescue. But what interested me most was the flying instructor's description of the emotions he experienced.
The timing of the lecture was perfect because, I am prepping for a workshop. It is for doctors in training to learn about leadership. One of my themes is "How to lead when you feel out of your depth." I am already preparing to be vulnerable and share my experience of how I felt when leading in difficult situations. But hearing the pilot describe how he felt and sharing his vulnerability reinforced how powerful that can be.
I think that we feel out of our depth in many situations, some very familiar to us and sometimes when experiencing something for the first time. Hearing how another person experiences something stressful can help you to realise that you are normal, and that the superhuman feat you may have just witnessed was performed by a real human with feelings just like you. We all compare ourselves to others and "comparisonitis" can cause problems when we measure ourselves against someone who looks like they are breezing through a stressful situation. If you find it hard, then you can feel like you are failing.
The flying instructor described how he felt when he knew that the engine was not going to restart and that they would be ditching into the sea. He described a heavy feeling in his chest, like someone was crushing him. That is the emotional part of the brain sending out signals and doing its utmost to protect and keep us safe - run, fight or freeze.
Then he described the crushing sensation subsiding a little and knowing that now was the time to take action. The rational part of his brain with all the training and experience took over. He remembered to check in with his co pilot to ask if there was anything else he could think of. That is an example of great leadership because sometimes we get blinkered when we are acutely stressed and may not spot something of importance.
He described feeling pleased when he remembered that he had packed a locator beacon. In the heat of the moment he had forgotten that it was in his bag. It is very common to forget things when your brain is overloaded and that is when check lists and teamwork are very useful.
He described a huge feeling of relief when the rescue boat appeared and he could hand over responsibility to the rescue team. Finally he described how exhausted he felt when he was back on dry land having the customary British cup of tea and biscuits. Stress is exhausting and it takes time for your body to recover.
He mused that with his job and the number of hours he had flown, that it was not a matter of if it would happen but when. He stressed the importance of planning ahead to make sure that the safety equipment was working and having a plan of action for if the unexpected happened.
Throughout his description I found myself empathising and I could even feel the familiar crushing sensation in my own chest, because that is how I felt when I was faced with medical emergencies. I also used to think in the first few seconds that I could not manage the situation and someone else would be better placed to sort things out. The crushing feeling would lift when the rational part of my brain told me that I did know what to do and now would be a good time to get on with things. Many other emotions would be circling around but the common theme when everything calmed down was always exhaustion and a major requirement for tea and carbs.
Despite the fact that I did that job for years and managed hundreds of emergencies, no one else had ever described having those feelings to me. I used to think that it was just me who experienced the crushing feeling in my chest. I thought that I had imposter syndrome. I thought that it was better to hide how I felt and I suspect that all my colleagues did the same thing.
Leaders often think that they need to hide their vulnerability from their team. They can think that being vulnerable makes them look weak. But it has the opposite effect. Leaders who show their vulnerability empower others through their actions. I am not saying that it is correct to collapse in a heap or dissolve into tears all the time but it can be incredibly helpful to say when you feel scared or unsure of what to do. A debrief after a stressful event can also be a powerful tool for learning.
As a doctor in training, I would have found it so helpful to know that how I felt was normal. My workshop will be making that crystal clear!
As I have said before, we are all leaders in our lives as well as at work. It is worth thinking how your own vulnerability can be powerful for you and those around you.
Most of us find it hard to recognise emotions. In her work on emotions, Brené Brown reported that we need to be able to do these 4 things in order to recognise, name, and make sense of our feelings and experiences.
Understand how emotions show up in our body (physical feelings)
Get curious about how our families and communities shape our beliefs about the connection between our feelings, thoughts and behaviour.
Examine our go-to behaviours.
Recognise the context of what we are feeling or thinking.
In her brilliant book Atlas of the Heart, she writes about 87 emotions and experiences. Most people can name about 3 emotions, so don't worry if you can't think of 87. I have added a link below to a five minute YouTube presentation by Brené on the power of vulnerability.
New things...
I am launching a new group programme at the start of April. It is called "Staging your comeback." It will have places for eight amazing women and if you would like to join the wait list to find out more, please sign up here.
Something else to read...
“In the age of ‘toxicity’, are we walking away from friendships too quickly?”
Elle Hunt
Prefer audio? Then check this out...
"The power of vulnerability"
Brené Brown
Coaching Prompt
"Where do you feel stress in your body?"
Think about the physical feelings that stress brings. You may also like to think about how other emotions show up in your body - try happy, sad and frustrated.
3 songs long
I chose 3 songs for the playlist because it lasts for 10 minutes (ish). That 10 minutes is the perfect length of time for you to either listen, relax, do an exercise snack, walk round the block, or do anything you fancy to music (go wild with your imagination). You can listen to my playlist or make one of your own.
That's it for this week. If you would like to explore how to take the next steps please check out my website to find out more about working with me. I have one 1-2-1 places available for March. I would love to chat with you to see how I can help you to get unstuck.
Don't forget to sign up for my group programme waitlist "Staging your comeback."
Love from,
Lucinda x
I got a lot from this. Thank you